Top of the list when we ask what Questers what they got out of the year is the fun and humour they had with people and the lasting friendships forged through tough challenges. Not "I made some friends," in the way you might say about any school year or job. Something closer to: “these are the people I still call and depend on.”
Sixteen years into running the programme, Jim and Sheila Musto have watched this play out consistently.
What actually builds a friendship like that
It isn't proximity alone: plenty of people spend a year around the same group without forming anything lasting. What seems to matter is what the group goes through together. Participants at Quest Ascent go through each phase in training groups of eight, rotating through the same instructors, the same physical challenges, and the same weekly reflection sessions. They see each other dealing with a variety of challenges, from the daily disciplined routine and physical training sessions, to the demanding weekend "epics” or the tough “bush survival” experience. They will learn resilience, perseverance and also the incredible value of a sense of humour, without which tough times are so much harder to bear. They will also enjoy the hours of downtime when they can unwind and relax. Through all of it they are learning invaluable “people” skills, while they grow in confidence with every passing week, and every challenge successfully completed.
They debrief each other at the end of every week, speaking honestly and constructively to each person in their group, telling them what was good and what needs fixing or improving. As they grow individually, they also grow in self respect and respect and appreciation for each other.
Jim describes those small-group debriefs as one of the more important parts of the whole process. As they learn to take responsibility for themselves, groups will often do their own de-briefs to address any issues that are causing a problem. That kind of ongoing, mutual honesty, delivered with encouragement rather than judgment, tends to build a different depth of trust than simply spending time together.
The friendships don't stop when the course does
The farm sees a regular stream of Alumni coming back to visit, often coming in groups from their year, sometimes staying for a few days and sometimes just for a quick catch up and a meal. Groups from the same year are, for the most part, still in contact with each other. Former students have gone on trips together across South America, climbed mountains in the Western Cape, and ended up sharing houses in the same cities years later, simply because they'd learned to enjoy that kind of adventure together and didn't want to stop.
A few relationships have even turned into marriages, though Quest Ascent deliberately doesn't encourage romance during the course itself, precisely because it tends to complicate the kind of group trust the year is built around, and results in unwanted distraction.
Shared experience, not shared background
One thing that makes these friendships distinctive is how little the people involved usually have in common on paper. Questers arrive from different countries, different schools, different economic backgrounds, and, during the spring, different genders. What connects them isn't demographic similarity. It's having gone through something difficult and worthwhile side by side, and having grown each other while doing it.
Curious about the physical challenges that bring groups this close? Read our piece on what bush survival actually teaches.